Nebraska introduced a returns program and quickly scrapped it because of the unexpected rate of returns, and none was for an exchange. Any good businessman would tell you that such a large number of returns is unhealthy, especially with the situation of the economy. The program allowed parents to drop off any children under 18 that they were tired of. Apparently you can’t threaten parents with a good time.
A new plan is being worked on that takes a few facts into consideration. Fact: You can never predict how the 2-day old offspring you drop off at the local fire station or hospital will eventually turn out. Fact: You can tell whether the 13-year old in the house is a waste of air, food, clothing, and space. Fact: Some biological parents have been known to have a sudden change of heart when the abandoned kids grow up to be very successful. Fact: It takes a village to raise a child. Fact: You break, you pay.
There will be, under the new plan, child care centers which will have the names of every child born. The centers will also have all potential parents registered after they pay a membership fee and undergo a thorough background check. (The check is to ensure that the people that love children the most, pedophiles, do not get in.) Once this is done, the wanna-be parents can go in and rent children. The rental period will be up to, but not exceeding, a year. Should you, for example, decide that the arrangement isn’t working out after 3 months, you can take it back and get another, for a maximum of 3 per year. You cannot keep it for more than a year, since it needs to experience different homes and cultures to broaden its little mind.
The children in the centers will be allowed to compete for potential parents, as this strengthens character. The most popular will go on a list that will indicate their availability. A parent will have to get on a waiting list for a particular imp, and be required to get a different one for a year so as to get some practice for the super-kid.
Now to the ‘You break, you pay’ part. Should, God forbid/ knock on wood/ perish the thought/ I swear I’m not saying it will/ seriously, I hope it doesn’t happen/ heaven forbid, a child die in your care, then you’ll be required to foot the funeral bill. There will be an investigation and if no foul-play is detected, you’ll get an option for 2 children at no extra cost, or 2-4-1-4-0. 2 for the price of 1 for the dead one, for the trouble you went through during the probation period.
The kids who grow up under this system will be required to adopt the old people once they start earning a living. It’s just a way of giving back to society. They’ll be expected to take charge of at least one dilapidated human for at least 1 year. The requirement can also be fulfilled by taking care of 3 decrepit, old bags for 4 months each. Should you get one that cannot take care of itself at all, one that cannot walk or feed itself, then your sentence could be reduced to 6 months. Once again, as the Chinese say, you break you pay.
