DNTxt

And it came to pass that public texting was outlawed.

The number of accidents caused by people texting while driving was a matter of grave concern. Many who had had their loved ones lost in such accidents came together and, in their grief, sought to put an end to texting while driving. They met together and channeled the maternal spirit of MADD (Mothers Against Drunk Driving) but the mother superior was unavailable. There was a lot of speculation about her unavailability, but everyone failed to see the obvious reasons. They will be excused for not thinking clearly in their grief. MADD’s mother superior could not be channeled because many in the grieving group were not mothers. Hell, several were actually… men. And MADD was all about raising awareness and the grieving lot was after legislation.

So the certified failures (certified for failing to channel MADD mother superior) sought to look within themselves and find their own superior mother. They congregated in a room, locked themselves up, and after 3 hours of grueling brainstorms, came up with a DNTxt slogan. Drive Not Text. Their eyes were then dry, and they replaced the mopey faces with smiley faces and walked out, triumphantly, hand-in-hand, to the cheer of crickets. Whether they expected anyone is now quite clear, but nobody cared about fulfilling their expectations.

A website was established and questions were asked about the intelligence behind DNTxt. Questions about their inability to form an acronym for their cause led to questions about their competence. These very questions led to the accuracy of DNTxt being questioned, since it appeared to be a marketing campaign banning texting, not just while driving. A Madison Avenue exec(Mad man) sat a couple of the certified failures—again, for not getting MADD mother superior—down and told them that the slogan would fuel controversy, which would in turn create awareness. The 2 in attendance nodded, shook hands with the mad man, thanked him, stepped out to the cheer of crickets, and sought to notify the other certified absentees.

There were several accidents that day. Preliminary reports pointed accusatory fingers to texting while driving, and the public got certifiably mad. With the public mad, the legislators had to step out of their government mandated saunas and talk to the press. They vowed. They swore. They yelled. They promised they would put an end to texting while driving. They pledged that they would not stand by and watch while texting took human lives. They then got into their cars and sped to the quickly convened meeting. 5 legislators died en route to enact the ban on texting while driving. They were carpooling and the driver, a co-sponsor of the bill, averted his eyes from the road to check on an urgent text he’d received.

After the new bill had been passed, after the legislators had been given state funerals, after the smoke settled, several truths emerged. Truths about the circumstances surrounding the passing of the bill. Among those killed in accidents caused by texting while driving were founding members of DNTxt who did not meet with the Mad man. They were driving when they received texts from the 2 members in attendance. The quick glances at the texts of good news led to shouts of jubilation, which resulted in swerves, crashes, and deaths, with smiley faces. The contents of the text sent to the legislator were also released. It was an automated text from his phone company reading. “Happy Birthday ”