Many people believe that polls are an absolute waste of time and money, according to a poll conducted by the Pew-Pew-Pew Research Group. An overwhelming majority of those polled (89.5%) said they did not have the time to answer the questions and if given the chance would rather spend the time punching the researcher repeatedly. Once the poll-taker turned victim had gone to the ground, they said, they would then stomp on his head until he died before urinating on his corpse. Only 30% said they would consider urinating on the brutally assaulted surveyor before his soul had departed from his body.
“The high rate of noncooperation stems from a culture where the young are coddled and told they are always right, even when they’re clearly being douchey,” says a former researcher who spoke on condition of anonymity, which was quite retarded considering his face was bandaged up and his voice chords gone.
72% said they never, ever, respond to polls and always choose to run when the questions start. When pressed for answers, 93% said they figured running was a way to avoid getting physical with the questioner. Or they ran away because they were in a rush to get somewhere. Or they had lives to live. It’s unclear, but what is certain is that the 93% said something while punching, stomping and peeing on this researcher before leaving him for dead. Maybe they said they ran away because they were little bitches running to mommy after a bad, bad man asked them questions that were so hard.
Of the 10.5% that did not mind answering questions: 65% preferred answering ALL questions before inflicting bodily harm; 20% said they would answer as many questions as they could depending on the compensation; 5% were so ugly that the researcher simply walked away; and 10 % were so boring that the researcher chose to spend the time punching himself, kicking his own head, and urinating on his own face before leaving himself for dead.
The survey covered less than 15 adults and took so annoyingly long that most of the numbers had to be made up to cut Pew-Pew-Pew’s losses. So much money was spent on medical bills and lawsuits against the barbarians that the researcher had to be let go. Pew-Pew-Pew Research Group has since gone under.
Pew went under? That stinks.