Healthiest Way to be Sick

Step One: Travel to Czech Republic. I’m not saying it’s dirty, it just sounds like it should be dirty. The split with Slovakia must have left someone holding the dirty bag. Every time there’s a break up, someone ends up with all the dirty shit. I know it looked like Slovakia for a while, but going to Slovakia would nullify the point I’m trying to make.
Step Two: It would really help if you were into girls, so travel the country. They are, allegedly, very beautiful. Being totally unable to communicate in Czech would be very extremely vital. Make the beautiful women speak to you in English, and you’ll quickly realize what a beautiful language it is when one says, “I have the thing you want.”
Step Three: Get genital warts. Self explanatory and it would help if ‘the thing’ she referred to was an STD. This may sound unnecessary, but it is important remember not to involve animals. You can never know where they’ve been, and it’s illegal, even in Czech Republic.
Step Four: The pay-off step. Steps 1 and 3 are vindicated here, and step 2 will lead you to the best hospital in the world located in Prague. The nurses and doctors here get free liposuction, face lifts, and breast implants as a signing-bonus. As you lie on your back and have the warts managed, you’ll realize a new and deep appreciation for being sick. The nurse will know you like to play it loose and dangerous, so she’ll either yell at you in words you cannot understand, or scream out words you can’t understand. Either way, her silicones will be shaking with great emotion.
Step Five: When there, or anywhere else, never ever objectify women.